A Birthday Poem

writing Birthday poems will be my new thing now.

oh and too bad Sarah, Atiyah and Shai couldn't make it to the BBQ last night, it was loads of fun!!

Fruit tart!

Woo I made a fruit tart
The crust was the most complicated part but everything else was a breeze.

Blueberries, Cherries, Kiwi and strawberries

you Sexy Salmon!

Look! a dog!!

no I mean the dog in the background. I tried calling him to come to me because he was so cute and I wanted him to be my friend but he rejected. ouch

Atiyah and I went job hunting the other day. It was interesting.

When I went home, mum was bickering about having too much salmon in the freezer.
One does not simply have too much salmon.
So I decided to make  a lil' somethin-somethin.

First I pan fried the salmon

I don't think this picture really needs a caption but hey!
(This is wholewheat pasta. I don't eat nothing white no more)

I flaked the salmon. look at those tiny fish oil droplets forming on the surface. mmm..omega 3- fatty acids

sautee-ing onions and garlic in olive oil and salmon juices

Adding the flaked salmon

I was craving for spinach so I added that, and then the pasta.

what is this anyway? A salmon x aglio olio thing. nampak macam mee goreng. hmmm

Don't care, naming it "Sexy Salmon"

Everything changes

Now that school's over,

#newdream

I just bought an issue of triathlete magazine and I swear I felt like crying.
Oh gosh, they're bodies are so perfect I was "wow-ing" with every  page.
I'm not talking skinny, thigh gap, ribcage here.
I'm talking toned as heyll calf muscles, bodies that have undergone so much pressure, they're practically diamonds!
I wanna be like them so bad :(
AND I WILL, MARK MY WORDS

Oh and I decided to pop this screencap for smiles.

two men actually did sit next to me and I offered them my biscuits. They were really friendly and no Atiyah, they were not sexual predators (If anything it was more like I was sexually harassing them lol). Shout out to Fahmi and Shamsul!!

The only cancer in our family is weakness

"He might not have long. you have to be mentally prepared.. Adik faham tak?"

"yes."

I took a walk along the hospital pathways just to clear my head and tilted my head to the sky.

 Don't cry, be strong. don't cry, be strong. 

I bought a packet of tiger biscuits at the sundry shop and sat alone on a bench in the park. 

One minute my mind was empty and calm, the other it relapses to darkness and I feel so weak. 

With my forehead in my palm and stuffing biskuat into my mouth, I felt the tears coming. 

then I made myself laugh;

"biskuat is such a lame pun." 

The doctors were working on him. My sisters were miles away and my mum had to turn in to work.

I was alone. 

hundreds of people walked along the bench where I sat but I still felt so alone.

"Other people have it worse than me" 

a friend once told me. I smiled at him when he said that, for his life was like a never ending series of unfortunate events.

"Think of the kids in Africa" 

Is his favourite line :)

and I did. I thought about the starving kids, about those who never got the chance to say goodbye, about those who don't have dads. 

When I went back up to his room, I saw him on his bed with an oxygen mask.

He has a tube, kind of like a pipe in his trachea.

He looked so calm, so serene yet so worn out and frail.

Seeing him like this makes me so weak, I hated it.

My mum rushed from work to see him. 

Seeing my mum cry while kissing my father on his forehead was heartbreaking,

My dad looked into my mum's eyes and he shaked his head.

We both understood what he meant by this.

"I'm going to die."

I pray to god none of my friends ever have to go through this.

I'm proud of myself because I did not cry today. As much as I wanted to, I didn't.

everything happens for a reason. 

My dad got cancer for a reason. 

God gave it to him for a reason.

I don't go around crying "kenapa ayah aku ya Allah, kenapa dia?"

so yeah, I don't have to be mentally prepared because I already am. 

7 years of  seeing someone you love go into chemo, 7 years of sending him to the hospital, 7 years of praying so hard, Imagine not hearing your father's voice until you forgot how he sounded like? (cancer of the larynx, it disrupted his vocal chords) 

 heck I'm as mentally prepared as you'll ever be!

Hi, I'm Hidayah and I'm strong.

see ya. 

and pray for me, thanks :)

Becoming of age!!

My Birthday Celebration.

my camera + phone = 700+ photos in the span of 3 hours.

some photos I couldn't upload here cause they were just too inappropriate. 

"kat sekolah macam nerd, kat luar liar!" 

-Fatin

anyways, Happy birthday to me. I love you guys always! :)

no words, just pictures. Happy scrollin'!