and life goes on..

eight of my friends got the same Matriculation college as me, which is KMS(Kolej Matrikulasi Selangor) yang literally cam 30 minit je dari sini..
tak belajar lah aku dengan adanya dorang ni haha.
My sister was in the first ever batch of this matriks yang agak baru, and now I'm following suit :D

Anyways, yeah life goes on you know.
6 months break is long enough. I feel like my mind is getting all foggy and old.

"Like a muscle, the brain needs to be used vigorously to get stronger or it goes to waste"
-That black guy from House, (foreman?)

Takut jugak sebenarnya..
Takut nak jumpa orang baru (Imagine a vampire seeing the sun)

Takut kena suruh solve equation kat depan atas whiteboard (serious this is my biggest fear hanya Allah dan Atiyah yang tahu) PASTU SALAH PASTU SEMUA ORANG GELAK PASTU CIKGU BENCI :(

Takut tak ada pendirian. I really don't know if I have one or not. macam mana nak check?
Both Qistina and I pernah melalui "zaman rempit" masa form 1.
 what if I bergaul dengan orang yang sebegitu dan akhirnya terjebak again?
tak nak jadi rempit lagi dah.. penat :(

Takut "suka" lelaki. you don't want it, but yet you can't help it. when you like someone (sama ada dia tahu atau tidak) you're making yourself susceptible to jealousy, hatred, desperation. All which are detrimental to your mental well being. tuntasnya, pelajaran terganggu.
Shaza awak dah janji nak marah kita kalau kita distracted!

you got this,you got this!
One chance. one opp'tunity.
10 months, give all you got.
and by next year I'll be starting my Degree in Dentistry. amin.

Headstrong.

BACK OFF I'LL TAKE YOU ON,
HEADSTRONG, I'LL TAKE ON ANYONE.

I ran a 7km race today.
I struggled with multiple side stiches but I managed to finish in 4th place (female category) which is pretty cool for a fat chick.

It was really fun though.
I mean, 2 years ago I was 20kgs heavier and couldnt even run 1km without collapsing. I absolutely hated the 5k annual road runs at school and was just plain unhealthy. So it's kinda mindfreakinblowing what I just did. Haha.

I really would love to grow up to be someone who takes part in regular community runs.

So hari ini dalam sejarah:

I Hidayah, at age 17 1/2 voluntarily participated and completed my first ever  (non-school) run.

Achievement unlocked.

Over and out.

he's my soulmate, i'm sure

I met this guy the other day

OH HERE SHE GOES AGAIN WITH " A GUY"

no, but he was different.
In fact, he was absolutely amazing!

Dia orang nogori sembilen.
He was 19, and he slept in the hospital for 2 weeks to take care of his brother.
Him and his brother were really warm people, so cheery and fun I wish I were around them more often.

sad thing is, I didn't catch his name eventhough we saw each other everyday for 4 days :(

Everyone in the ward loved him. He was making everyone laugh and smile and occasionally he would look to see if I was laughing too,which I was!

Whenever our eyes crossed I'd just get all flushed and pretend to look at the ceiling. BAHAHA

and whenever we crossed each other at the halls we'd make small talk, (I'm talking really minuscule talk here)

"Dah makan dah?"
"ha ah, dah"
"awak?"
"yeah,dah"
*and then smiles*

and after our "lengthy conversation" I'd just be smiling like an idiot in the elevator feeling all giddy. alahai gediknya.


I talked more with his brother than I did with him. His brother is just 16 and has had the big C for quite a while. Come to think of it, I didn't ask what cancer it was.

He isn't what Atiyah's standards for 'handsome' is, but he's got a good heart and a great personality.
(source: observing him go from bed to bed talking to the cancer patients, Always helping out my mum, The three women (2 malays, 1 chinese) adored him so much they might have a crush on him.)

We parted ways on the same day

*In the hallways*
Me: nak balik dah eh?
him: ha ah.

about an hour later

*In the ward*
Him: nak balik dah?
me: ha ah.

Lol. We sure set of a reaction like Lithium and cold water huh?

Whatevs, never seeing him again in my life anyway.
funny isn't it? you cross paths and just continue as two parallel lines.
maybe during that intersection, it sculpts you in some way.
(dah merepek dah)
maybe he sculpted me in some way?
am i supposed to be affected by this?
what is life?
where is the llama?

k bye.

She gave me a pin!

"What does your mother work as?"

*shrugs shoulders

"okay, what does your father work as?"

*shrugs shoulders again

"Haha how can you not know?"

*smiles and giggles at my expression.

I later found out that this 8 year old is an orphan...

I work as a tuition teacher now. I teach english and Bahasa Malaysia.

get this..I absolutely hated tuition as a kid.

It was exhausting, tiring, boring and it lasted for hours on.

So I'm trying to make my classes as awesome as friggin possible!

Anyway, she gave me a pin thingy with a cartoon on it and was like 

"nah, ni untuk cikgu"

NAWWWW 

I was seriously cheesin' cause I've never been loved before!

AND this was our first class together!

AND my friend Fatin teaches her Maths and she didn't give a pin to Fatin!!

hahahha fatin! 

jealous tak? jealous lah :D

I was "revising" things to teach and the male nurse looked at me as if I was a mentally diasabled 18 year old.

kbye, 

meow meow woof woof

Like a ukulele,

Like a Ukulele,

Mama made a baby.

Really don't mind the practice,

cause you're my little lady.

So, I haven't been on a horse for nearly 3 months now and yesterday I broke that.

I came to the stables and nearly broke down to tears when I saw Massa, my Massa, with a foal.

ok. hold up. back track .

 she was pregnant?

She gave birth?

I feel horrible for not knowing!

Who's the daddy?

I'm personally naming him Boston because Boston, Massachusetts. Its the only name that fits!

He tried to eat my tudung (in front of all the stable workers) lol

He wouldn't stop nuzzling me. shoo! be gone! you sweet adorable pony

He is so beautiful I want to kidnap him and tickle his tummy and feed him carrots and bury my face in his mane and give him kisses till he drops from affection.

for some reason, (probably due to not riding for a long period of time) my butt was really sore.

My rising trot is pretty good and I land back in the saddle really gently "as if there were eggs on it".

The sore was so bad it's really not worth making dirty jokes over (although I have a few jokes in my head right now)

Me and Denai did jumping and trotting poles. He was an angel :)

I hosed him down after because it was hot as potatoes!!

The workers there whom I have grown to love really welcomed me back

"HIDAYAH LAMA SUDAH TAK DATANG AHH!"

aand that pretty much sums up my sunday morning.

Jst do it. lik, srsly..

I'm writing this from the  hospital waiting room. A place I've been in so many times I can navigate myself in it blindfolded.

So many times have I been in here, and so many times have I been seeing this one guy.
I think we've crossed eyes nearly 100 times now nearly every month since last year but alas...

I do not have the guts to part my lips and utter the word "hi".

What is wrong with me?

We could turn out to be cool friends and maybe upgrade to bff's.

And maybe, just maybe all my boredom would walk out the room and leave me in peace.

We could play "would you rather? "
And I'd ask him if he would lick the inside of a toilet bowl or wash his face with the water.

Or we could play hide and seek
And I'd always lose because he knows every corner by heart cause well...he works here lol.

Or we could play "I spy with my little eye"
And we'd spy on how many patients are going to die....

Ok so that took an unexpected turn for the worse..sorry

So.. I literally no kidding just walked beside him. And we looked at each other and it was awkward. Whyyyyyyy god whyyyyyy!?

I'm now eating a banana in front of two guys.. this is more awkward and I'm pretending to type on my phone. Well not pretend..but as if it were something important.

I'm bored :/
Kbye.
Internet slow gila.