Back on track

"People don't care about healthy, they just wanna look good naked"

Ehhhhh I'm kinda 50/50 on that one.

I have a confession.
I was on a perfect streak.
I was running 20-25km a week.
Then I stopped.
Stopped for 4 weeks..

I just couldn't bring myself to do it again. Because I've failed, basically.
And I keep thinking of those who are better and I tell myself I'm never gonna get there.

Then I snapped back to reality and was like HELLO, NEWS FLASH.

Been there, done that.

I remember myself 2 years ago. Thinking and accepting the fact that I was gonna be like this the rest of my life.
That I was gonna die alone with my cats because let's face it, guys like skinny girls.

Jap, I dont even remember what this post was supposed to be about

Anyway, as soon as I start college, BEAST mode is back on. I'm running every morning on the campus track.

To prove my seriousness on improving health, I made my own mix of muesli.
(Because I hate the store bought ones they're always so sweet)

Oats, raisins, black sesame seeds, chia seeds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, pine nuts, macadamia nuts.

1/2 a cup of muesli with a banana in low fat milk and a cup of hot green tea for breakfast everyday.

Can you imagine the amount of protein, fibre and essential fatty acids I'm getting here? Neither can I.

Pillow babies

I am super pumped/ecstatic/psyched/stoked for college.

Like I want it to start now.  LITERALLY.

"You've had a more than enough 6 month long vacation" 

-mum

"Who will cook for you when I'm gone?"

-me

*sad face*

-mum

I fell asleep last night staring at the twin towers. Yes, I slept at the hospital on a lazy chair. Wasn't Four Seasons exactly, but I had a nice view.

I wasn't exactly overjoyed by having to sleep in the hospital again, and I felt like a little selfish, spoilt (insert favourite bad word here) for it. But mum knocked some sense into me. 

YOU LEAVE FOR COLLEGE. FATHER ILL. STAGE 4 CANCER. MAY BE THE LAST TIME.

YOU NO DAUGHTER OF MINE. YOU DISHANA OUR FAMIRY!

Omg talking about my mum, she's trying to make me change my mind about dentistry and go into medical school. So last night we were in the car and eminem's "I need a doctor" came on. She sang every chorus and changed the lyrics to "please be a doctor..doctor"

Hahahahhha itulah mak saya.

Anyways, I'll be back in Shah Alam at about 4pm. I miss you bed. I miss how your body carasses mine as we frolick together with love. The soft tender touches you give me. How you make me crave for more. For more sleep!! Gotcha didn't I?. We could make cute pillow babies tho.

Too much? Yeah I thought so. Shaza, mesti awak rasa kita pelik kan? 

Talking about shaza, we had a reunion the other day and she kept saying "Hidayah kita rindu awak!"

And I said "pada kita, awak ni macam batu kat tepi jalan! Pergi! "

Pastu dia pandang bawah buat muka sedih tak jadi. 

Anyways, After Subuh just now I stayed up on the balcony with a steaming flask of coffee and watched the sun ascend into the sky. It was divine :)

Just things

I'm in the hosital again, my dad's having his 4th chemo cycle.

So I was at the hospimart to buy raisins, then there was this guy (mula lah dia..)
We were standing outside the shop and I was opening my box of raisins in front of him. Then the whole box fell on the ground and he just looked as I fumbled to pick it back up. There were raisins all over the floor. Aren't I the smoothest?

So I took a walk around the hospital grounds and passed by the maternity ward. Oh my god I could hear the babies crying from the street outside!!.
Nak baby jugak!! Jk...kot.

I passed this couple and the guy was holding their newborn baby, so I smiled at the lady but she didn't smile back :/
Maybe she thought I was trying to get her baby, or worse her man!. I've read enough on postnatal depression to know what's up.

Sheesh man, I just wanted to congratulate you on your successful cake.
I proceeded to make a joke about "baby batter" and "uterine oven" in my mind. What am I, 13??

I've also been following this tumblr called "eatingdisorderconfessions" and it's the saddest thing, really. From someone who understands and gets it, I couldn't help but cry at some of the posts.

I'm going to college..

but mama, I don't feel grown up..

College starts in exactly 13 days from now, on the 26th May.
This is so weird, seeing how much I've grown.
I'm the same person (not quite exactly) I was 10 years ago, but I'm trapped in this body.
and life goes on.

The thing is, I've always been that kind of person who cherishes every single moment, detail and aspect of life. I look at the sky as I walk to school everyday, I walk slowly in the rain because I love to, I step in puddles in school shoes, I spend hours snorkeling until i'm fried from the sun, I stargaze alone outside when I'm bored and yet....
I feel like life is moving too fast for me.
like I've been locked in a room counting dust all this time while out there, life happens.

college already? really?

I'm happy to be going to college with two of my close friends, although I'd be happier having all 11 of us (but life doesn't work that way, Pablo honey).

everything will change
people will change.

Life is ephemeral, I get that.
I can't expect it to be stuck in static.
babies are born, people die.
dynamic, ever-changing, different.

ok tunggu jap.\
I think I kinda terkeluar topic.

So I've packed my bags.
files? check. instant soup? check.  bras? check
how many bras do people bring to college anyway?? is 6 too much? I don't know!

I have like, 11 baju kurungs, kebanyakan pink. I'm turning into Nadrah with all these pinks!!
and I hope I get super skinny there. I'm talking 40kg skinny. hahaha

Mum whipped out all her books, Biochemistry, Organic Chemistry, Inorganic chemistry, Physical chemistry.

me: mum do I really need to bring all thes...
mum: YOU WANT TO GET 4 FLAT OR NOT??!!

so my plan now is to survive orientation week, study, sleep, 4.0 (Amin), UPU, University of Malaya in Dentistry, graduate, work, specialize, get filthy rich AWWWWWW YISSSSSSSSS

semua dengan izin tuhan!

Hafiz, kawanlah dengan kami

Kitorang tak ramai kawan lelaki.
So this would be quite accurate tbh. Hahaha

nanti dekat matriks:

Shoppinggg

Setia city Mall.
Probably spent 2 hours in total in h&m
Ate at sushi king.
Bla bla bla
Fun!

I bought these 6 inch tall boots at H&M

aren't they just ridiculous and cool??